Of course I care for my family, but outside of my family there is only two people I care a lot about. One is my hunky sexy boyfriend. The other is my smart funny best friend. Now here is my problem. I try and I try to make my man a part of my friends life, but he ain't having it. And now because of a stupidly dramatic moment that should never have even happened, she can't even come to his house.

I try to get them to be friends because ... hell, my life would be so much easier. But there are things he holds against her that are unfair, and whenever I spend time with her he makes me feel like he is angry - even when he tells me to go. It's a hard smothering feeling that keeps me nervous and upset. Always worrying if I am gonna loose him while I am with her, and when I am with him I worry about her because I know she needs the company.

All my silver clouds have a dark ring around them. Sometimes I expect a storm.

Well, I spent this week fighting with people who have serious mental illness. I don't know what the big deal is with me that someone can be so obsessed. Another woman to beat it all. It's not like I am so awesome that there's something to be jealous of. It's not that I am so troublesome that I am hard to ignore. I pretty much keep to myself. Sometimes I worry that this is more than a slight case of childish jealousy. Sometimes I wonder if this person could be dangerous. I wouldn't be afraid in a hand to hand combat with her, but she is a special sort of crazy. I expect to be walking through the local rite-aid someday and have her run up behind me and stab me in the back and run. That is more her style. It's been three years now, and she still won't go away, or forget me. I guess there is just something about me that is unforgetable.

I am going to quit smoking soon. I am so ready to stop it's ... it's so time. I don't even enjoy smoking anymore, it's more of an upkeep of a horrible addiction. Not to mention it's a strain on the old pocket-book. I think I can do it, I have joy in my life right now, and I believe that I will finally be calm enough to get through it. One of the things that makes me want to quit is  the information that came out not too long ago that  proved that "Philip Morris" promised the government they could kill half the population to save them money in social security. That is some really sicko stuff, and I believe it. I am going to quit smoking for the soul purpose of spiting "the man" before I kill my ass.

I tried to build a fire today and I thought it would be so simple. Just place small flamable wood and cardboard in a tee-pee shape and light. Once the fire is blazing, add wood and blow... so why didn't it work? I am a mountain girl from Kentucky, I should be able to start a fire damnit. I will get one started before it's over with. grrrrrrr!